further

Note from 2012: I am missing a diary from about 1998 to 2002. I wrote a lot of poems in that time, but to the best of my knowledge I didn't write any diary entries. I will provide some of the poems here as a way to represent my melodramatic mind during those "missing years" and on some of the poems (2000-2002) the dates are only approximate. The thoughts were sometimes experimental, and not a total reflection of my life. Just poetry of a teenager. I won't upload all of them, but I will upload a few to fill in any gaps in my chronological record.

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The poem on this page is from a computer text file I kept on my handmade 80486.

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I fear the words I claim are my cure
I fear they will say something of her
A past that is my present, will never go away
A feeling that crept inside of me, is here so long--to stay
Is this pain or pleasure
I can no longer grasp or measure
The feelings light my brittle body like a fire from within
This contorting pleasurable pain rips off my outer skin
As I am cleaned, I feel dirty, and oh so incomplete
My insides are laid bare by this inner heat
Tell me when will this ever end?
will I forever brake, but never bend?

waiting

Note from 2012: I am missing a diary from about 1998 to 2002. I wrote a lot of poems in that time, but to the best of my knowledge I didn't write any diary entries. I will provide some of the poems here as a way to represent my melodramatic mind during those "missing years" and on some of the poems (2000-2002) the dates are only approximate. The thoughts were sometimes experimental, and not a total reflection of my life. Just poetry of a teenager. I won't upload all of them, but I will upload a few to fill in any gaps in my chronological record.

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The poem on this page is from a computer text file I kept on my handmade 80486.

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I'm waiting for the phone to ring
waiting for a call
its never going to ring today
but I'll think it will anyway
becaue its the wish that keeps me going
the belief in each new day
and if I stop to think
then I'll surely stop forever
even if the phone will ring
ring so loud that I can not hear
I'm waiting ... for the phone ... to ring