I've been thinking a little about my relationship with this world I exist in. (I have a lot of thinking time with no real TV, no computer and not even a radio. Cant wait to get a PC!)
Me and Japan. I dont feel like a "Japan Geek" and in fact tell myself I am not crazy about the country. With that said, I feel myself disagreeing in my head, with many of the foreign teachers about Japan. (And I'm sure they might read this, so to be clear that wasnt meant in a really negative way.) For example, semi bugs (cicadas) are hated by many of the teachers because of their shrill buzz in summer. I heard several conversations about how they cant understand how Japanese people can appreciate the bugs. But I like the noisy sound of those bugs. Yeah, its annoying but it connects me to all my other summers and reminds me how quick summer always really is. I could go on about these bugs, but the main thing I wanted to point out was my difference of opinion.
Me and dreaming.
I think of myself as being almost always half lucid when I dream. (Lucid, if you dont know for some reason, means that you are aware that you are asleep while you are sleeping.) By saying that I am half lucid, I mean that somehow I always have a sort of awareness of being in my "night movie" and its like an adventure through a land that somehow I know is a dream, even if it isnt as clear as that while dreaming. I sometimes have full lucid dreams, but not as often, so I recently used some information on the internet to try to push my dreams into full lucidity more often. The opposite has happened so far. My mischievous subconscious has used the information to "pretend" to have lucid dreams, that are still only half lucid. For example, last night I thought I woke up (that was part of the dream, unknown to me) and could feel myself being dragged back to sleep. I told myself (who was actually dreaming at the moment) that this was perfect timing for having an incubated lucid dream, I would just stay aware that I was falling asleep while I fell asleep and I would be lucid. I thought I fell asleep, although it was still a dream, and the "lucid" dream was washed out and not vivid (like its supposed to be) so I thought it was my mischievous subconscious messing with my "dream view" because it knew I was falling asleep. It was more twisted than that, my subconscious tricked me into thinking I was having a lucid dreaming when instead-- wrap your head around this one-- I was dreaming that I was dreaming lucid. Eventually after several attempts at dream-control didnt work right, and instead of seeming lucid the reactions seemed like what happens when you are in a dream (random and bubbly), my mind got a little confused, I suppose you could say I had a lucid moment inside my dream of being lucid, and so I decided to wake up and reset the process. This time when I woke up, I really woke up, and I could think clearly enough to realize the first time I hadnt really woken up and the following had been a mischievous trick I had played on myself. Yeah, its a true story, I have a very odd way of thinking which shows itself in my dreams I suppose.
2 years ago